Porcelain Tiles

PORCELAIN TILES:-

What a nightmare!%@#$   The Retail Sector pass the buck straight to us guys, the DUMB Layers!
Here is a list of problems associated with these tiles,that I have heard :-

Size issues ( Tiler to blame) Stupid layer didn't, size or grade the whole 120m2 before he laid them for $30.00 a M2.
Tiles manufactured out of square.( Tiler to blame) Reason as above.( Client wasn't told, his beautifull tile that he paid $ 90.00M2 came from China at $8.00M2)
Thickness variation (Tiler to blame) as above
Wax Removal from surface of porcelain.( Bloody Tiler wanted more money. Ungratefull bastard, the chinese gave it to us for nothing!)
Grout Haze left on porcelain after grouting(Tiler to Blame) I have had a look at a few of these jobs and I believe it has nothing to do with wax or grout removal,
instead I believe it is poor polishing,actually I believe it hasn't been polished at all,more like honed than polished. if not more like Oxcalic Acid burn on terrazo or marble
I was a master at it as a stonemason apprentice!

Cuping of tile. Caused by the incredibly high temp during manufactuer( Not the dumb tiler sitting on the boxes at smoko)
Bowing of tile.As above
Corner of tile dipped. (As above) Mate don't lay this shit Strecher Bond, as you are laying dipped corners against raised centres.
Tiles went drummy. Client blames the Dumb Tiler for using cheap glue(had to cut the cost down to make some money out of $30.00m2). Hold the phone, what was the dumb Tiler told about:-
WAS HE TOLD ABOUT---The retardant the concreter sprayed on the slab to slow down the drying/cracking !
WAS HE TOLD ABOUT---That white powder on your hands after handling tiles,is actually the release agent from the tile factory!
WAS HE TOLD ABOUT---The porosity level of these tiles(This is why adhesives were invented,to stick low porosity tiles to over trowelled floors) When the tiler asked the client/builder if he knew, he said the bird with the nice ____ at the tile shop said, dunno mate get your dumb tiler to read the box. (anybody out there read chinese!)
WAS HE TOLD ABOUT---The sunlight/heat that is expected to come through the huge expance of glass on the western wall. This heat is why the Aus Standard ask us to treat this tiled floor as if it was a external floor and put in the required expansion joints. Shit SORRY are they the same exp joint the Dumb Tiler said were mandatory and he would have to charge you extra,and you said piss off!!!
WAS HE TOLD ABOUT---The poor quality finish of the concrete slab. Up and Down concrete slabs( called WAVES, in my time I have seen more waves in concrete slabs ,than a family reunion!) These waves mean that the Dumb Tiler has to lay each tile approx 4 times, by lifting and packing each tile to make it level, hang on a minute 4 X $ 30.00 equals $120.00. My Quote to level the slab at $27.00 m2 would have been cheap. Thats right you told me to Piss off again,as you wouldn't pay that much.( but you expect me to lay the floor 4 times and provide the extra adhesive FREE) I remember. Thats why i asked how come your father was your mothers brother!
Lipps in a Porcelain Floor:- Main Causes :-Waves in concrete slabs, Dumb Tiler not being paid to level floor before hand.--  Badly Manufactured Tiles, -- Dumb Tiler using an Adhesive that shrinks during the curing period.--  Dumb client/builder who allows dogs,other tradesmen and clients to walk on floors to early,--  Last but not least Dumb Tilers themselves.
Joke of the Centuary:- Client is told by good looking bird in the Tile Shop, your Dumb Tiler will charge you less to lay 600 x 600 porcelain as one tile covers the same physical area as four  300x300 tiles. no Shit nice ____.

Joke of the next Centuary:- Client/Builder says, I have just learnt that my porcelain Tiles have to be sealed to stop my Red Wine & Cheese from staining it, that was in your $30.00 a m2 ,wasn,t it.

PISS OFF !! OOPPS pardon the building site language. Up yours!!

Kindest Regards

The Old Stonemason,Dave

P.S. Porcelain Tiles, you Bl____ Ripper, import another million square meters(square yards allways sounded more profesional,)But this time,please,pretty please,wise up the people selling it,wise up the people buying it. Give the poor Dumb Tiler a break and blame something other than us!!!

P.P.S. I never noticed before how much Rex Hunt looks like me! Damm Lucky Bloke!